I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
