East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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