I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
