She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
