How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
