She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
