it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
