my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
