how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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