I met the friendliest cop last night
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
