you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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