Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Quick, to the slutcave!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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