Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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