i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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