How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
