I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
