There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
