My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
