finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
