apparently the secret to your success is patron
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As shirtless as possible
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
