Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
