this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
