I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
