Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
