addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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