Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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