I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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