No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
