last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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