A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
