I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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