He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
