Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
