i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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