Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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