Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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