Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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