And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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