Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
