Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
