dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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