you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
