i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
