Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
