I can tuck mytits in my pants
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
