I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
