I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
