cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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