I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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