There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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