You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
