About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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