I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
