The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
